The Body Image Hypocrisy

I watch the same morning news show on a fairly regular basis. This morning, the stories and their juxtapositions illustrated the biggest challenge we are facing when it comes to fitness: the body image hypocrisy.

A story about how a celebrity stays in shape (read: keeps her perfect body) after 40, the narrative running in the background as we watch her pose for a photo shoot in bikini bottoms and stilettos. The next story, the “magic mirror” in IKEA, asking women to rate how they feel when they look in the mirror. The vast majority of women choosing less-than-favorable options, and then being reduced to tears when the mirror says, “No, you’re good enough.” The next segment: steals and deals on anti-aging products for your skin. AND HAIR. Because now we have to worry about our hair looking old?

I see this happen with my clients. A woman felt great about her own progress, until she saw a 20-something former gymnast bend herself in half, every guy in the facility captivated. Her face fell, and she looked at her feet and said, “I’ll never look like that.” Others look disparagingly at their mid-sections and say, “it’ll never be flat…”

Underwear companies and cereal commercials try to empower us to be proud of whatever shape we are. Seems like a really nice thing, and I bought in until I realized they are still profiting from this perpetual feeling that no matter how hard we work, we will never be “perfect.” We won’t have flat bellies and toned whatever. But we’ll eat that cereal because it also suggests that if we do, we’ll lose weight.

The message is not to embrace your shape or your body. It’s to settle for it. The line is so thin and grey, but ultimately, we’re not getting at the root of the problem. We’re telling the 95% percent of the population who will never look like society’s ideals to settle. We’re the C students of body image. “Well, if this is the best you can do, then, we’re proud of you…  sorta.” 

But we don’t mean it. We don’t really mean it when we say, “You’re a size awesome.” Because the focus is still on the size. “You’re not a size 4? Oh, well, that’s ok… you’re a size… uhm… AWESOME!” It’s a false message of praise. Because those women are still being forced to focus on their size. It’s a constant reminder of what they aren’t.

I don’t have a solution. I don’t know how you change an entire society’s perspective, unless they want to change. Because we can say we’re all about embracing our individual shape, size, age, but we’re still buying anti-aging serums, we’re still buying gimmicky videos and pills and weight loss systems because they are tapping into this insecurity and “solving” it. We’re not shifting our focus to healthy living and healthy aging. We’re latching on to every false promise of weight loss. Gluten free, because you’ll lose weight.  Paleo diet, because you’ll lose weight. This serum so you’ll look younger. Don’t age! Don’t be fat! But if you are… well, it’s… fine…I guess.

In Defense of Maria Kang: An Open Letter to American Women

Dear Women of America:

There has been tremendous backlash against Maria Kang, a fitness enthusiast who has come under harsh criticism for her Facebook profile page, which showcases her body and asks "What's your excuse?" I saw this story on Good Morning America today and I was truly appalled at the report. Women, particularly mothers, across the country are calling her a bully, and saying Ms. Kang is exactly the reason we have poor body image. While Ms. Kang has issued an apology (which she shouldn't have had to do in the first place), it is my intention to bring about a discussion and talk about the real problem we face when it comes to body image.

I understand your anger. I understand your frustration at being bombarded with images of "perfection", the media constantly feeding us the message that thin is the only way to be beautiful, and that if you aren't a size 2, you are not up to standard. I understand the vicious cycle we find ourselves in, scrutinizing our own bodies the way gossip columns and rag mags scrutinize celebrities. "Is that a baby bump or some belly fat?" "Worst Beach Bodies of 2013!" It's disgusting and frustrating. But there's a difference here.

Ms. Kang's physique is healthy and strong. She is not rail-thin, she doesn't have bones protruding from her skin. She is a fitness enthusiast, and she is joining in the fight against obesity and ill health that is plaguing our nation. We no longer have time to think about the superficiality of all of this. We are a nation dying from obesity and obesity-related illness. Ms. Kang's own mother suffered because of her weight, and she doesn't want her boys to go through that. She wants to be fit and healthy for her children. Don't you? Don't you want to live a long, healthy life and watch your children grow?

Her rhetorical question, "What's your excuse?" brought about your rage. But is it because she's a bully, or because she's right? Maybe you already know you're not living the healthiest lifestyle you can. How can you justify lashing out at a woman who is promoting healthy living? As long as someone looks the way we want her to, she can send that message, but if she's too fit, she's attacking us? Why can't we, as women, unite and support this message? She's not saying she is the standard. She works toward her own standards. You can do the same. You can decide where you want to be, and it doesn't have to look exactly like her. But it should be the best version of you that can ever exist, and the only thing standing in the way of that is you. You're angry because she's right, not because she's mean.

As the women of this country, we have to start fighting the right fights against negative body image, sexuality, and role models. I would rather the young women in my life look up to someone like Maria Kang before someone like Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan, or Rhianna who send terrible images about body type, lifestyle, and sexuality. We should celebrate women who work hard to be leaders in healthy living. We should be working toward teaching our children to be active, fit, and healthy. Get over your insecurities about how you look. Maria Kang isn't calling you fat or lazy. You already feel that way about yourself. Either you want to fix it or you don't. If you don't want to fix it, you shouldn't care about her in the first place. But if you do, then we're right back to the beginning...

What's your excuse?

Sincerely,
A woman whose life has been enriched through fitness